Sunday, 7 October 2007

15 REASONS CANADA MAKES ME UNEASY AND CONFUSED

I think this is supposed to be funny. Anyway they don't allow comments on their blog (like I do) so here is what I would have written

It is a list of American misconceptions - or stereotypes - about Canada.
Canada has a whole province where the folks speak a different language and you don't hear Canadians bitching about "those dirty Frenchies", they just leave them alone to speak their own language.
It is, of course a lot more complex than that, though anti-anglophone policies in Quebec have led to a shift in population and business to Ontario. And New Brunswick is bilingual and the whole country is pleased to offer you service in the language of your choice - well the federal bits are obliged to and elsewhere we will also happily speak to you in Mandarin, Cantonese, Urdu and an increasing diverse variety of tongues. There are even places where some indigenous languages survive - though with great difficulty. And while we may appear tolerant now our history is not pretty and some of those prejudices still lurk in nasty little pockets - though we seem to be getting better at dealing with them.

Canada's Prime Minister? He's cute.
Possibly, matter of taste. Sadly he is also Mr Bush's poodle, and seems to forget that he is supposed to be running Canada for the benefit of the Canadian people not American corporations. As far as the environment is concerned he is an idiot - but then he does come from Alberta, which is Canada's version of Saudi Arabia - more oil than sense.

they do not even have a War On drugs! Canada doesn't DO war! And I'm betting their rate of alcoholism is also very low!
We were supposed to have four pillars of drug policy but thanks to the New Canadian Government (that's the idiot we were just talking about) we are going back to the Bush style prohibition and punishment approach. BC bud is supposed to be the best in the world but frankly we are getting a bit fed up with home invasions and drive by shootings, even if we have fewer of them than say, Oakland.

Our rate of alcoholism is fine, thank you very much, and is a real problem in many areas, despite our much higher taxes on booze. We also make terrific ice wine, stronger beer and better whiskey than you lot. And you probably will not be able to buy BC wine since all the good stuff never hits the stores but gets sold direct by subscription from the winery gate.

Canada never says a word about how stupidly geocentric we are.
Oh yes we do. I take it you have never tried to find any Canadian media on the internet. Did you know that the internet reaches beyond the United States?

You will also not be able to buy Canucks tickets - get on the waiting list or find a scalper - we don't deal with them as effectively as you do. How can write about Canada and NOT MENTION HOCKEY?

2 comments:

Manoman said...

Canada, still insecure after all these years. Just so Canada understands, nobody in the US and I mean nobody, including all the lame stars you dump here like MJ Fox, Pam Anderson and Jim Carrey cares what Canada does, says or thinks. Irrelevant on all fronts, now shut up and make me maple syrup.

Stephen Rees said...

You cared enough to post here which sets you apart from most other readers

And a lot of Americans are dependent on our oil, water and other natural resources. We are also one of your biggest markets and one of your biggest suppliers.

And our dollar is worth more than yours too.

We are also not in Iraq and will be pulling out of Afghanistan in 2009.